094 | Jennie Boyer | 10 Tips To Raise Independent Kids

Show Summary:

It is safe to say that all parents want their kids to grow up to be gritty, resilient, and independent.  Accomplishing this is a whole other story.  Today, we bring Jennie Boyer back to the show.  If you liked what she had to say about saving money on groceries in episode 78, you will love what she has to say about how she teaches her kids the skills they need to be successful.  In today’s show, we will discuss Jennie’s 10 tips for raising strong, independent kids and give examples of how we can all do the same.

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Intro:

We welcome Jennie back to the show and give some background as to her life and family.

Jennie’s Top 10 Tips For Raising Independent Kids:

1. Purposeful Neglect
2. Choose your battles – and win the ones you engage in.
3. Have fun with them/don’t take yourself too seriously.  Take time to be present for things that are important to them.  They won’t listen if they don’t think you care.  They will be too hurt.  Poke fun at yourself to show them that life doesn’t have to be so serious.  Let them see you fail and how you react.
4. You need to live what you preach – kids are experts at spotting a hypocrite. 
5. Set expectations and communicate them early and clearly – NO basement dwellers, good grades, kind to each other, money expectations, needs v wants, etc.
6. Talk about life skills, what they will need to know, how it will impact their lives, ask if they are working on that skill.  I do this ad nauseum. My kids HATE this until they move out, and then they are so grateful.
7. What do THEY want?  Ex. Where do they want to go to college?  What life skills do they want to learn?  What classes do they want to take?  What approach do they think will work to get their homework done? Throw in a few of your own by asking the question, “Have you thought about…”
8. Set aside time to teach skill – expect to teach it 3-7 times;  tell them, show them, let them try it with you there.  If they think they can do it better another way – let them try.  They might be right! (this builds confidence and lets them know you find them capable and are willing to listen to their ideas.)
9. Let them try – and fail, teach them how to handle the failure.  How to get help if I’m not there. If they fail, talk about all they did right, and then help THEM problem solve how they can do it differently next time.  Then let them try again.
10. Let them fly and cheer them on!

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

• The Parenting Breakthrough, Merrilee Browne Boyack
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey
• Mindset, Carol Dweck

Thanks for listening!